Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Abbey and Jasper — the sequel. By Barnaby Joyce

Seriously, Barnaby published this yesterday:
Mr Rudd is releasing his children’s book today and I thoroughly commend the donation this book will make to charity but believe there needs to be more discussion in the development of the plot about what happened prior to Australia Day.
Abby - Hey Jasper what have you been up to you crazy cat?
Jasper – I have found a cheque book, so went on a great adventure, building for the future, zipping here and zipping there and hanging with lots of other cats in all sorts of interesting places.
Abby – that sounds revolutionary you crazy cat, but I do not quite get exactly what you are doing?
Jasper – Well Abby, if we have to plan for our future we have to build on what provides for us cats now. For instance where do we cats catch mice, rats, frogs and other cat food? Where do us cats hang out and get down and dirty with other cats?
Abby – Generally derelict buildings!
Jasper – Spot on Abby! So I have been building a whole new portfolio of future useless buildings, some buildings that aren’t even needed today, so our kittens will never be short of food again. I have put them in schoolyards so they can fill up with scraps of food and old mats and furniture – and mice!
Abby – You crazy cat, you really are revolutionary. Your kittens will be so fat.
Jasper – Ease up, we do not want any obesity, so we have provided other venues for kittens to roam where they will get exercise in safety.
Abby – Where?
Jasper – Roofs, Abby, Roofs! We are going to cover the ceilings with fluffy stuff so no more sore paws for this crazy cat.
Abby – You have been working hard but this sounds pretty major.
Jasper – I am a pretty major cat, Abby. You should see my plane and have a gander at my passport. I hang out with all the major talent and will fly anywhere in the world to do it and for absolutely any reason. No party is complete without me. You should pass by my alley and have a look at the photos.
Abby – But how did you pay for all this you crazy cat?
Jasper – Simple! Just borrow the money. I have borrowed more money than any other cat in the history of this alley, and I have made sure that we have stimulated the growth of the local tip with the purchase of a whole range of crazy cat consumables such as flat screens and toys and other electronics so if the school halls burn down we can head back to the tip.
Abby – You revolutionary cat! By the way what is the debt on the poor suckers account?
Jasper – About $120 billion and rising fast, but this cat is not the one paying for that. There’s no easier, more guilt free way to spend money, than by spending some other cats money on other cats!
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